Some Sort Of Feeling
by DollxXxFaceXwtf
Summary: She just wanted to escape, to be freed from the hell that was arkham. But she never bargained for this, she hadn’t wanted this. Greed. Lies. Sick Obsession. And A man who wears make up. JokerXOC. Be Warned this is not a love story.not really.
1. Chapter 1

_**Song recommendation-- fences by Paramore (it sort of fits this chapter) **_

_**Anyway.. Enjoy!**_

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_Thump, thump, thump. _The sound of my hearts steady pace filled my ears. My blood pounded through my veins so hard it hurt in my wrists and neck. The edges of my vision seemed to blur in and out of focus, shimmering at the edges then slowly going black, only to return to color again.

The walls of my prison were white hurting my eyes, whenever I actually chose to open them. I was laying on my back staring at the ceiling, my feet propped against the north wall of the small room. Outside I could hear two men squabbling. I could picture them, the crisp white shirts, pressed navy pants, and the heavy guns that they held. If I was able to look at them I would have seen their broad shoulders slumping from hours of standing in the same place. I would have seen the permanent creases in their sweaty brows from years of working in this hell. I would have been able to see the resentment in their eyes as they played the day they had agreed to work here over and over in their minds. They had been lied to told that it was a service to the city that they worked here, told that it was noble and brave. After years of actually working here they had learned that they had swallowed lies to begin with.

It made me smile, to think that even the people that had _chosen_ to be here were unhappy. I was certainly unhappy, or I liked to think I was. To tell the truth I wasn't actually sure if I was unhappy or not. I wasn't even sure if I knew what _unhappy _was. I tried to observe the people around me, pick up on their emotions and compare my self to them, and see if any of them matched up. The problem with this method was that when I was around them they acted different so I was never really able to tell what they were thinking, or feeling.

I turned over onto my stomach stretching out on the unnecessary padding of my cell. Everywhere I looked they were there, pads. I wasn't sure if they were supposed to make their prisoner at home, to comfort them, or to protect them from them selves. I needed none of the above, I definitely didn't need protecting from myself, even though everyone else in this mad house seemed to think that I did. And I didn't care if this place felt like home, or if it was comforting. why the hell should I? I was stuck here for life, I wasn't going to waste my time diluting myself into thinking that anyone wanted to make me, the _crazy _girl, feel at home.

The pads, to me, were a symbol of every thing that this place was, to anyone who had ever stepped through its doors, handcuffed or not. The pads were neat and clean on the outside, only slightly yellowed in places, but on the inside, bacteria roamed and spread in the many different forms of body fluids the fabric had encountered over the years. They were soft looking, but if one was to actually lay one them they would find that the were tough, lumpy, scratchy as wool, and smelled like urine. If I laid there with my eyes closed for long enough, I couldn't almost hear the screams, and pleas of the patients that had occupied it before me. I could since that this tiny room, only about seven foot long had history, had a story just like the rest of my perpetual prison.

I twisted at the waist and rolled my eyes around in their sockets, I didn't feel like keeping my eyes open, and I didn't really need to. I could go at least three days with no food, I didn't need to shower when I was locked in maximum confinement, it wasn't like I was going to be near anyone, and for the most part I could keep my self occupied for hours at a time, just by letting my imagination run wild.

I slumped into the rough pads again, I would wait, wait until the came to get me.

"_god, your lazy." _a voice rang clear, and loud. It sounded like someone was with me in the room, that someone had spoken aloud but I knew no one was there. This voice was a regular occurrence, It was always there, every hour , of every day, annoying the hell out of me. _"just get up, honestly."_ the voice was exasperated, and I shook my head, trying to clear it and trying to get my internal voice to shut up, it didn't seem to be working. _"get up, get up, get up!" _it sang shrilly inside of my head. It was beginning to give me a migraine.

I groaned and propped my self into a sitting positing against the wall, rolling my shoulders and flexing my stiff muscles.

The voice laughed from the inside, mocking the fact that I had given in so easily.

This voice didn't have a name, and neither did the other one. Yes there were two, but the other one only showed up when I was stressed or their was an unhealthy amount of adrenalin in my veins. These voices had been around since I had moved to Gotham city about 5 years ago. I had grown used to them, they were a part of me, and that, some people seemed to think was odd. It was what had gotten me here in the first place. Well not specifically, the reason I was here involve five gallons of gas, a match and 22 dead people. But I would have gone straight to trial, and jail, probably to be executed, or to live my life in a cell much like this one, minus the pads. But then I had to open my mouth and mention the voices. That had gotten me a one way ticket to Arkham, Home of the criminally insane. Gotham cities pride and joy. Arkham wasn't so different from a regular prison, other than the fact that they gave you high dosages of drugs and you saw a physiatrist twice a week. That and the people here were a lot more interesting.

A loud pounding, interrupted my thinking. It was coming from the other side of the only door in the room. The door, like the rest on the room was cover in pads, and they muffled the noise, I tried to ignore them, closing my eyes again. The pounding sounded again, followed by a voice.

"Step away from the door, were coming in."

I didn't stand but I did as I was told, scooting as far from the door as possible. As the door open, it creaked loudly, the sound was sharp, and hurt my sound sensitive ears. Two guards step over the thresh hold. The were dressed just as I had envisioned, but they weren't holding their guns, their hands were simply resting upon them, in their belts, to remind us that they were there if needed, but wouldn't be taken out unless so.

"mourning Clara, how did you sleep?" a guard named Harry asked me. He was always friendly, but I think that had to do with his lack of intellect. He had a slight southern drawl to his voice and was probably 31 years old, he was my favorite guard.

"Harry, how many times do I have to tell you, call me Cee, and I slept fine, same as always." I replied yawning, the orderly in the room looked angry, his fist were curled into balls, and he was going red in to face. His name was Ben. Ben was an older man maybe 40 years, but he regarded me in a silly way. He was angry and mean to me when others were around, but strangely disgusting when ever he was the only one watching me. He was always brushing my arm, and touching the small of my back. It made me feel sick to just be around him. It wasn't fear, no, it was…hatred.

He gave me a hard glare before he grasped my arm and pulled me to my feet, maybe a little to hard.

"Hey, Hey, Hey, easy there Ben, I'm still a lady and I expect to be treated as such." I was saying this to mock him, he hadn't hurt me, and I didn't give a damn is I was treated like a lady or not.

He glared at me, as he pushed me out the door by a very silent Harry.

We paused out side of the door. I looked up to see Harry, place his hand on Bens shoulder, eyeing him in a strange sort of way. And then slowly Bens hand started to loosen on my arm. I felt the blood flow back to my finger tips, and they tingled. I shot Harry a look of thanks, but he was looking the other way, fiddling with his belt. Ben rolled his eyes then nudged me forward, slowly I made my way down the hall.

The hall a short one, only about 20 yards long, and there were five doors, four of which lead to their very own padded room, and one that lead to a bathroom. I reached the end of the hall way and waited as Harry pushed the down button on the elevator. I waited standing tensely between Harry and Ben.

I watched as the little arrow above the old elevator rose, ticking by the floor numbers, one, two, three, four, and finally my floor, five. The people who had designed Arkham, had put the maximum confinement on the top most floor, thinking that the higher up a prisoner was the harder it would be to escape. It was part true, and part silly, if a prisoner wanted out bad enough four extra floors wouldn't stop them. As the elevator doors slowly opened, shrieks issued from inside. As they opened I saw a small red head, being held by two burly guards, she struggled and kicked, scratching at her guards any chance she got.

"YOU ALL HAVE GOT IT COMING," She bellowed in a squeal like, high soprano voice, "AS SOON AS MY LAWYERS HEAR IM HERE ILL HAVE YOU ALL FIRED…NO ILL HAVE YOU SENT TO JAIL!" No matter how much she seemed to scream it never died down. I watched her struggle, and I couldn't seem to keep a smirk off of my face, as if her lawyers could do anything.

Harry pulled me out of the way of the girl, pushing me against the wall, and putting himself between us, as if he thought she would hurt me…or maybe it was the other way around, I wasn't sure.

"_wow." _The annoying voice whispered in shock inside of my head, she was soon followed by the other voice, who mirrored the others shock. _"Yeah." _I shook my head not believing the sight myself. The girl had fallen to the floor, and was weeping and blubbering, groveling at her guards feet.

"Please," She begged, I choked back a giggle, "Please, I don't belong here, this is all a huge mistake, I don't need to be here…I'm not a freak like her!" She thrust her tiny hand at me. Everything stilled, Harry tensed, and out of the corner of my eye I saw Ben reach for his gun, the other guards stepped in front of the strange girl, and reached for their guns as well. And then I couldn't help it anymore.

I lurched forward, frantic laughs echoing from inside my chest, I doubled over clutching at my stomach as I continued to laugh. I hadn't laughed like this in months, maybe years, and I couldn't stop. I fell to my knees, tilted my head toward the ceiling letting out another long peel of rough laughter. At some point I fell forward, and pressed my face to the floor, the coldness on the side of my cheek seem to clear my head a little, and I wiped the tears away from my face, rising to my feet again. Harry held onto my arm, keeping me steady as the room spun and I swayed. Everyone in the hallway was staring at me, Harry looked as stupid as ever, Ben looked disgusted, The two unknown guards looked surprised, and the girl looked scared out of her wits. I let out one more giggle before looking straight at the girl. She turned her head away not meeting my gaze and muffled a small sob. I smiled up at Harry,

"Can we go now?" I asked casually, as if nothing unusual had happened. He looked startled that I had spoken but then nodded, and stepped into the still open elevator, I followed him, and Ben followed me. As soon as the doors closed I looked at Ben, knowing that he could answer my questions better than Harry.

"who was she?" I asked real interest in my voice, He look down at me with a sneer but answered anyway. "Sarah Leoray." I had heard of her, she was semi-famous in Gotham city. Her parents were wealthy, and from old money, their great, great grandfather, or something like that, had been a cofounder of Gotham general hospital. She was their only daughter, maybe 20 years old and was notorious party girl, always in gossipy magazines. "Why is she here?" I asked Ben next. "She shot her parents." answered. I wasn't really surprised, it was always the rich ones that were crazy. Then Harry burst, he couldn't help but add in his input to our little conversation. "Yeah, she shot her parents both in the head, and then when the cops showed up she blamed it on her dogs, said they told her to do it. She's a real crack pot, that one." He laughed, and so did I. She blamed it on the dogs, wow she really was crazy.

Then the elevator doors opened and Bens stepped out, pulling me with him. "I've got it from here Harry, Go back to floor five." This was the part I always dreaded, the part when Harry left and Ben got weird, and today was shower day, great.

As if showering in this place wasn't awkward enough, no, You had to be watched, especially on shaving days, because that was the day every two weeks that they trusted us with a razor. Ben was always the one to watch me, and it really bothered me, couldn't they at least find a girl to watch me.

When I got to the showers I went about my usual routine, First I washed my hair, with the generic cheap shampoo they set out, then I soaped down, and lastly I shaved. As I shaved I could almost feel Bens watchful gaze roaming my naked body, and it made my skin crawl. I tried to focus on the razor moving up and down along my skin, while he continued to watch me with his greedy, lustful eyes.

I guess you could call me pretty, or you could have, before I had gotten here. I had always been pale, it ran in the family, but ever since I had gotten here my natural ivory completion had become chalky and yellowed, with the lack of sunlight exposure. My hair had once been beautiful, Wavy and a deep brown, almost black. Now it was cut short, to my shoulders, and stringy from months and months, of bad shampoo. I had never been thin, nor fat, nor had I ever been voluptuous, I was 5' 6 and flat chested. The only truly unique thing about me was my eyes. One was bright blue, the color of the sky on a cold, icy winter morning, and the other a deep brown, almost black. I had never been sure how this strange combo had come to be, and to tell the truth I didn't really care, I was just glad I had something to boast about.

When I had been in high school, I was never described as plain, and even though I thought of myself as so, boys had flocked to me. They weren't the right kind of boys, not the kind you would want to take home to meet dad, but they were boys, and they seemed to like me, whether it was my appearance, or the way I acted, loud, and random, and always adventurous. I had been proud of myself, but only in the presence of other people.

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Back in my room, I laid in the same spot I had that morning. My eyes were open staring at the ceiling seeing things that weren't there, Cars crashing, children playing in the sun, feathers flying after a pillow fight, water moving fluidly in a river. I could hear voices that I had heard before, but were no longer near. Teachers droning on and on, parents fighting, my friends laughing, my sister crying.

I watched as the pictures all blended into one jumbled mess, and the sound turned into static. I closed my eyes, turning to my side. _"We need to get out of here." _Voice number one said, and for once I replied. "I know." I said, "I know."

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Okay.. First chapter. Yay.

Please review, it makes my day and makes the update come even faster,, constructive criticism is welcome, just don't be mean. please and thank you. --Maddy


	2. Chapter 2

Fire licked up my face and hands, burning the flesh down to the bone, I tried to scream but when I open my mouth nothing but laughter issued from it. Terrible hysteric giggles that didn't belong to me, it wasn't my laugh. I ran from the smoke filled building naked and burning while people screamed inside of it. I continued to laugh.

Then it all changed. I was surrounded by people, they were the ones on fire now, and they were laughing. Laughing at me. I was huddled on the ground, a black match in my hand. I started to scream, and it was such a terrible sound that the burning corpses started to back away from me.

I laid on my back in the padded cell I had fallen asleep in, my voice was raspy and came out in gurgled half sobs, half screams. I tried to stop them but they persisted. The dream had been so vivid, so cruel, so real. I wanted to stand and pace, to decipher it, to understand it, but the room was too small and I knew that I would get nowhere close to a suitable pace. When the strange sounds coming from within me didn't stop, that was when the guards came in assisted by the resident floor nurse. She was carrying a large syringe filled with an unknown clear liquid, I guessed it was something to get me to go to sleep. I turned over so they would have better access. I tried to stay still and closed my eyes. The cries had died down to background noise, and I heard the nurse shuffle closer, I was incredibly still.

"I've never seen one of them hold so still before," She exclaimed seeming shocked, yet somehow relieved. I didn't like how she referred to the patience as thems as if we were a type of animal meant to be contained. In fact I hated it, and at that moment all I wanted was to stand and hit that nurse, to grab her hair, and to scream for her to take it back, to tell her that we were humans too. But I knew that, that kind of behavior would get me nowhere except another two weeks in maximum confinement, so I stayed still. "Usually their up and ranting by now, fighting back." The nurse spoke again, and I had to hold myself back again. I felt her move forward, her foot steps loud and her breathing heavy, then I felt a sharp stab somewhere in hind quarters, I twitched at the poke but did not cry out, it didn't hurt enough for that.

Slowly the unknown medication started to work. The edges of my vision because fuzzy and blurred and the cries stopped, as my mouth hung agape, and my eyes closed again. I knew I wouldn't be awake for at least another eight hours thanks to the sedative, and that was fine with me I just hope it would knock me out enough to rid me of the unpleasant familiar images the haunted me in sleep.

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"Oi! You! Wake up!" I was being shaken and an unknown voice was yelling in my ear, it was disorienting. My eyes, and head were heavy, I tried to lift them but it hurt too much and I soon gave up and slumped into the pads again. I felt another nudge at my side, then another, but I didn't move, and I kept my eyes closed. "come one, get up, were moving you today." The voice was commanding but that wasn't what got me to open my eyes. I had lost track of the days somewhere in the passed two months that I had been in maximum confinement. I raised my head and looked around the room.

Harry and Ben were standing at the door, as well as my main doctor, Dr. Smock. She was wearing a navy and white pinstripe suit, with a red belt and high heels. It seemed a little dressy for an insane asylum physiatrist, but who was I to judge. There was another unknown doctor standing behind her in a white lab suit, and a final unknown guard standing above me with an impatient look on his face. "Come on!" He almost yelled, I flinched back as the noise hurt my ears. Dr. Smock had moved a step forward and had placed a hand on the guards arm.

"Stay calm, John, she's very unstable." She said in an firm voice. The words were meant to be calming and reassuring but they came out harsh and commanding. I glared at the doctor.

"I'm not unstable." I hissed "I just don't like being woken up." I sneered right at her and she returned the look.

"Harry, Ben," She looked at the orderly and guard by the door then motioned to me. "Help her up." again, a command. They obeyed, and moved forward before hoisting me to my feet, I swayed unsteadily, and Harry held onto my arm as he had the day before. I cracked my neck, then looked at Dr. Smock.

"So…" I began conversationally, stretching my back, and rolling my shoulders "Finally decide to spring me Doc?" She didn't answer, but strode from the room and motioned for us to follow her. We did.

We moved through the hall, and to the elevators, all of us stepped in except for Harry, and I then realized that I wouldn't be seeing him anymore. He worked strictly on floor five, and nowhere else. I waved at him sadly, "See ya, Harry." My voice was audibly sad, I felt a strange sort of pity for my self.

"yeah, see ya Cee." He smiled a crinkly eyed smile just before the elevator doors closed. When they were closed Doc Smock turned toward me.

"You will now be staying in a permanent room on floor four, Maximum security. Im not sure if there is any possibility that you will have the chance for demotion, not the way you have acted thus far." She looked at me in a demeaning kind of way, and I glared at her. She continued to speak. "We will, of course, be keeping an eye on you, we sincerely hope that we will not have to put you into max confinement again." I looked at her, she didn't seem very convincing and I was sure that she didn't really care if I was in max confinement or not.

The elevator doors open and we stepped out. Doc Smock led the way down the hall way. It was full, cell after cell, in its white washed walls, and It had the feeling of a real prison. She turned down another hall filled with even more cells, and went all the way to the end where there were three empty cells. She motioned to the one that was open, and I walked in.

"Well isn't this homey." I said sarcastically, she ignored me.

"You will be taken out for breakfast at nine, lunch at one, and dinner at seven, you have a free hour of recreation every other day at three. You will be escorted with a guard at all times, and never forget you are on video camera so someone will always be watching you." This seemed like a threat to me, but I disregarded it, if the wanted to threaten me she could, I wasn't scared of her. After two years of living here all fear I had had, had dissipated. She gave me one last look from head to toe them walked out of my cell. The guard slid my cell door closed and the slamming sound it made echoed through the hall way.

I had been here for two years, since I had been only eighteen years old, and I had spent most of my time in medium security, floor three, up until the past two months, which I had spent in max confinement. Maximum security wasn't so much different from medium, other than the fact that in medium you got two hours of recreation everyday, you didn't live in a barred cell but an actual room, with an actual door, and you had to stay with a room mate.

I went and sat one the lumpy mattress, and looked around. The little cell was very plain, painted white, with nothing but a bed that had been chained to the wall, and a toilet. The bed was covered in yellowed sheets, and a grey wooly blanket. I laid down and tried to relax my body one muscle at a time, listening only to sound of my heart and breathing.

I heard a soft knocking sound from the south wall of the room, and it broke my concentration. I muttered a word not freely used in polite conversation, then rose from my bed walking to the bars. There was a small space between the wall and the bars, just enough room for me to squeeze my self into a position where I could see my neighbors bed.

Sitting on A bed exactly like mine was a small little balding man, with hair growing out of his ears. I looked at him pointedly. He didn't say anything.

"Was there something specific you wanted, or did you just want to piss me off?" I asked acidly. I didn't like being mean to this complete stranger, but I wasn't in the best of moods. He looked offended, and slightly taken aback, but answered me anyway.

"Well, I was just wondering who you were, you know, why you're here." He looked at me and I saw his eyes move up my body, he frowned, he obviously didn't like what he saw. That pissed me off.

"Why do you care?" I asked him.

He stopped to think, looking at my body again. "Your very pretty, I was thinking…" He trailed off. I think he was trying to go for seductive, it just came out cheesy and pathetic.

"What the fuck?!" I looked at him, surprised etched on every line of my face. I'm sure there was quite a bit of disgust too. He looked at me, then licked him lip. "Fuck off, you perve." I growled at him. I stared at his muddy brown eyes daring him to fight back. He didn't.

"Sorry I asked." He said bitterly, disappointed. I squeezed from the bars, and went to go sit on the bed again.

Bastard, I thought sourly.

I laid there for what seemed like hours, staring at the ceiling imagining that I was free, picturing my self running from this place, breathing fresh air, and screaming at the top of my lungs. These were disorienting thoughts, and they made me tired. I closed my eyes, and slowly drifted into unconsciousness.

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BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

A buzzing sounded around me, startling me for sleep. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, looking around. There was shuffling in all the cells around me, people standing, yawning and stretching. I stood and twisted at the waist, relishing in the feeling that came when my stiff back popped. I looked at the clock, nine o'clock. Breakfast. Yum. I flopped back onto my bed. I didn't particularly want to go to breakfast, that food sucked, and I would most likely be alone considering it was my first time on floor four. But the thought of walking around and stretching my legs was also very appealing.

At that time Ben walked up, with yet another unknown orderly. I Watched them as they opened my cell with a click. I sat there not moving. Ben watched me loathing in his eyes, and the orderly looked annoyed.

"Breakfast," he said, "Come on." I didn't move I continued to look at Ben, He stared at me for a few more seconds then looked away, a look of embarrassment on his scruffy face. The guard cleared his throat. And in the end I decided that the few minutes to walk were too good to pass up. I walked ahead of Ben and the orderly, stretching my legs, and rolling my shoulders as I walked. They followed behind me by about three feet, but I could feel their eyes burning a hole in my back, I tried to ignore it focusing on the stretching of my tight muscles.

I rounded a corner, coming to a large arched door way.

Inside their was an assortment of grey tables, and metal chairs that looked that they had been bolted to the floor. I stood their watching the people. They all looked like they could used a few hours of sleep, dark circles were under each pair of eyes. Their hair was all stringy like mine, but other than these small things they seemed to be relatively happy, laughing and joking with the other crazies.

All but one.

I had seen him one the news. Read about him in the paper, and heard the other inmates speak of him with fear in their voice. His makeup had long been washed away, but he was still pale as a sheet, and corpse like. His hair was stringy and especially unkempt, knotted and faded green. Pale pink and jagged scars were set in his face, stretching it into a permanent smile. The Joker. He sat at a table alone, eating slowly with a steady rhythm with his spoon, up, down, up, down. I stood there watching him. I felt Ben nudge me in the back as a means of hurrying me along, and even as I did, I didn't take my eyes off of him. I saw subtle differences between him and the other inmates. He sat with a sort of self reassuring, almost arrogant posture, and the way that his eyes would every now and then sweep the room sent a silent threat. None of the other inmates looked at him.

I walked slowly through the line, grabbing the blue tray full of muck that the transvestite looking lunch lady pushed at me. I stood beneath the arched doorway and decided on where to sit. I saw the other ones in the room, people so much like my self. They were safe, or to an extent anyway, and they were excruciatingly boring…

Before I was fully aware of what I was doing my feet were moving, one at a time across the cold marble floor. The voices were screaming, both of the yelling warnings, and accusations in my head. "Stop, Holly shit what are you doing!?" Rang through my ears, but I didn't stop, I continued on, across the small cafeteria, through the other prisoners who were stopping to stare, their heads whipping between myself and my destination. There were gasps, and muttering, and even a small sob from my audience. I reached the table just as my mind whirred into power again. And then I realized I was a dumb ass.

He looked at me, a strange almost annoyed look on his threatening face. He smacked his lips, and licked at the scar tissue in the corners of his mouth.

"Hellllo?" He drawled at me, looking me in the eyes. His eyes were a strange shade of brown, or were they green? I wasn't sure, I looked back internally shaking, trying to push my words into coherent order.

"Can I sit here?" I asked. My voice came out extremely steady, despite my fear.

"Hmmm…" I then saw his eyes flick up and down my body like so many men had in my life time, but unlike those times when I had felt dirty and violated, I liked it this time I felt gratified and proud. Then his eyes moved to my face looking between my differently colored eyes. " If You want to." He replied his voice lazy, and seemingly bored. Then he turned back to his muck and ignored me completely.

I started to sit down when I felt someone tug on my arm, it was Ben. His face a furious and just a little bit scared, his eyes were wild, he looked crazier than anyone I had seen in Arkham even the madman that sat in front of me. He gripped me so tightly that my arm was going numb. I looked at him, trying to make him let go. I tugged at my arm, feebly trying to free myself.

"Clara, don't sit there." He said, his voice strained and rough with emotion.

"Why not?" I asked him, yet again trying to shake my self free.

"BECAUSE I SAID SO!" He bellowed, raising his other arm high above his head. I closed my eyes waiting for the blow, waiting for him to hit me, to punish me for questioning him but it never came. There was a shocked gasp from the onlookers surrounding me, and I opened my eyes. The joker was holding Bens arm, Ben looked scared to death and the Joker was smiling. Smiling his terrible scarred smile. His eyes were burning with the intensity I had seen in them months ago when he had been free and terrorizing Gotham city.

"I wouldn't do that." He enunciated his T's to the extreme and licked his lips. He slowly let go of Bens arm. As soon as Ben was free he pushed me away and strode right out of the room. I stood there dumb founded then slowly looked down at my frightening savior. He was sitting down again, and looking up at me, somewhat expectantly.

"You Gonna sit down." It wasn't a question and then suddenly he looked annoyed again.

I obeyed. I sat, but I didn't eat, I didn't even look at my food. I watched him, deep gratitude imbedded in my being. He ate, then looked up at me when he noticed I wasn't eating. "You know…" he drew out his words and lapped at his scars "Its not polite to stare." He looked at me, and drummed his fingers on the table. I cleared my throat and looked down embarrassed.

"Umm, thanks…for umm, for that…yeah." I finished lamely, and flushed with new found embarrassment. He watched me blinked a few times then went back to him food. I didn't say anything, and neither did he but I took great notice to the multiple inmates eyes that wouldn't turn from me or the man in the seat opposite me. Their eyes were full of fear, and pity and sick desperation and concern. I didn't like them watching me, caring whether I has in danger or not. I cleared my throat, and leaned closer to the joker.

"I think their scared." I said, and yet again I found my self embarrassed at how stupid I sounded. "Look at all of them." He raised his eyes but didn't look at the other people in the room, he looked at me.

"Yeah well, they don't like me to…socialize with people. They think I might…influence them." He grinned, and internally I shuddered. He really was terrifying. Sure at one time he must have been very handsome, with his smooth skin and hard square jaw, but the ugly scars were distracting and reflected the madness that must have been with in him.

"Yeah, their strange enough, without someone like you telling them what to do." It had slipped before I had thought of the reaction. I was so used to speaking my mind in any company that I didn't stop to consider how he would react. I saw his hand tighten around his spoon, and his eyes moved to mine. They were cold and mean, and I could almost hear the wheels turning in his head, coming up with creative ways to answer, or hurt me, I wasn't sure. I looked at his scars again, and I saw him smile.

"Well…you're a pretty one aren't you." That took me off guard. I didn't think it was a question but obviously I was wrong. "Answer." His voice was cold as steel, so I nodded. He didn't seem completely happy with my response, but satisfied. "You know…I used to be very good looking my self…until, well, this happened…" He motioned to his face and licked at his scars. I felt slightly nauseated. "You want to know how I got em'" I didn't say anything, I sat completely still as he reached up and gently cupped my face. His hands were very warm and his touch was so soft it could have been a caress, but I knew better, my heart was pounding and I thought I was going to be sick. "Well…When I was young, I had a brother, a few years older than me you know…and he umm….he liked his…he liked his women, liked them a lot. And one day He brings one of his girls over and she is beautiful, lovely, just like you…But I get the feeling she doesn't like my brother. He goes out to get some beer from the garage and leaves her with me…Now this girl she umm…she decided it would be…funny to scream and get my brother. And she does '"Holy Shit!"' She screams '"Get your fucking hands off of me!"' I'm sitting there trying to get he to shut up when my brother runs in, reallllly pissed. He starts going off on me like never before and he takes a knife from his pocket…holds me down of the ground, and says me '"No woman will ever look at you again you damn ugly bastard."' and then…." He ran his tong slowly along the scars, and smirked at me. I saw a flash in his eyes I had seen it before. In my parents and my sisters eyes so long ago, and I knew that he had lied to me.

"oh…very funny, now lets get to the real way you got them." I looked at him and saw his face fall and his eyes grow disappointed.

"The truth?" he asked.

"Yes, The truth."

"I don't remember." He said, He seemed angry, and I regretted calling is bluff.

"Sorry I asked." I dropped my head and played with the napkin on my tray.

We sat in silence for seconds, minutes, or it could have been hours I lost track. At some point someone cleared their throat above me and I looked up. It was Ben, and the orderly from this mourning.

"Doctor Smock wants to see you." The orderly said in a strained voice, and I saw his eyes flicking nervously back and forth between the joker and me. I rose from my chair and looked at my lunch partner, He didn't seem to have noticed I had stood. I began walking across the cafeteria followed my Ben and the orderly. I has at the archway when I heard his voice.

"See you tomorrow…Clara." He drawled in almost a seductive voice and I shivered. I saw him chuckle and turn back to his food. I smirked and walked out of the cafeteria, people watching me as I went.

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Wooooo, wow. That chapter took me forever to write but hopefully it will take me less time to write the next. Hopefully cant promise anything.. J

-maddy.


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